montebello (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
montebello) wrote2019-02-18 10:29 pm
montebello) wrote2019-02-18 10:29 pm
Entry tags:
Relationships
I don't know what to do about relationships. I don't understand what's different about me and everyone else.
Case in point, in 2017 my friend Chris ended up getting divorced. It was disappointing and sad because he and his now ex-wife have three kids, and she was cheating on him and had zero interest in attempting to fix the relationship. She's a piece of work. Anyway, after much agonizing, they separated, and then they filed for divorce in the summer of 2017. He was more upset in all the events leading up to the divorce, he was resigned by the actual start of proceedings.
Cut to November, and he's got this new girlfriend. I was somewhat incredulous in the short turnaround, and asked how he met her, he said he had gotten online and met her and things were going great. I asked him where he met her, he said eharmony. I didn't say this, but I'm like WTF. I have been single for years, I have tried all the online sites, I have grown in confidence and straight up asked women in person if they'd like to go out, and I've gotten nowhere. Well, that's not quite fair, I've had some first dates but nothing ever went anywhere. And he's not even divorced yet, and he's met this new woman, and is raving about it, mostly, "I didn't know relationships were supposed to feel like this and could be so enjoyable!"
Jealousy is unbecoming, but I'm jealous. Maybe I shouldn't be. From dating Chrystal I learned there's worse than being alone, there's being with someone awful. It's been over ten years since my brother's divorce, he's been in a number of relationships, at least two that were pretty serious, and he's had no success on a long term partner. And he is much more extroverted than me.
I just don't get it. I don't know what to do about it. Then when nothing moves forward, my gaze moves to the past. And the past is fucking confusing too.
Case in point, in 2017 my friend Chris ended up getting divorced. It was disappointing and sad because he and his now ex-wife have three kids, and she was cheating on him and had zero interest in attempting to fix the relationship. She's a piece of work. Anyway, after much agonizing, they separated, and then they filed for divorce in the summer of 2017. He was more upset in all the events leading up to the divorce, he was resigned by the actual start of proceedings.
Cut to November, and he's got this new girlfriend. I was somewhat incredulous in the short turnaround, and asked how he met her, he said he had gotten online and met her and things were going great. I asked him where he met her, he said eharmony. I didn't say this, but I'm like WTF. I have been single for years, I have tried all the online sites, I have grown in confidence and straight up asked women in person if they'd like to go out, and I've gotten nowhere. Well, that's not quite fair, I've had some first dates but nothing ever went anywhere. And he's not even divorced yet, and he's met this new woman, and is raving about it, mostly, "I didn't know relationships were supposed to feel like this and could be so enjoyable!"
Jealousy is unbecoming, but I'm jealous. Maybe I shouldn't be. From dating Chrystal I learned there's worse than being alone, there's being with someone awful. It's been over ten years since my brother's divorce, he's been in a number of relationships, at least two that were pretty serious, and he's had no success on a long term partner. And he is much more extroverted than me.
I just don't get it. I don't know what to do about it. Then when nothing moves forward, my gaze moves to the past. And the past is fucking confusing too.