montebello

I've been pretty down of late. I think it's the social isolation due to covid-19 but social isolation is not something new to me. I just don't get the point of life. My life revolves around sleep and work. I don't look forward to things, what is there to look forward to? I arrogantly think I can predict the future, at least regards to my personal life, since it's been so static for so long. I didn't get the job I applied to, and that was, rightly or wrongly, my attempt to break out of the rut of life, send my life down a theoretically different path. My current work isn't awful, but it's not great either, and I just don't meet people there. I've got acquaintance friends but no close friends and not going to meet a significant other there. Which leaves what paths forward? I don't know. I wish I had more friends and a girlfriend. Those seem so hard to achieve. I'm not sure how I did it years ago.

I survived my sinus surgery. It went pretty well, I had foolishly thought it wouldn't be as unpleasant as it was after the surgery. For the first 48 hours after coming home, I had doubts that I made the right decision. Now though, I can breathe so much better. I still have to do sinus rinses and avoid exertion such as exercise for a while.

Partially because I'm avoiding exercise and partially just cause I need to, I've started calorie counting with the Cronometer app. Need to lose weight, while you could argue I'm not really overweight or that overweight depending on your point of view, I don't like myself in pictures, I miss slender me. Need to strike a balance of slender but powerful.

I've been contemplating astrology of late. I don't know why. To be clear, I think daily horoscopes are dumb. But natal charts and and their corresponding compatibility are interesting. There's a website online and it seems eerily accurate at times. I can't decide what I think of it.

Work is tiring these days. Big push for the next month, and then they'll probably put me on a my previous project, which will be easier, but will piss me off cause of various infuriating reasons that made me request to leave that project in the first place. I content myself with the knowledge that if I am remaining single and childless which seems to be the case, then I will be able to retire early. Not in my 30s, but still, earlier than other people, cause I don't really spend money. Not that I want to remain single, but trying to look at the positives.