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So over the last two months (October and November) I went on four dates with a woman named Christine. This is significantly more than my normal one date only with a person, or the rare two dates with the same person.
The dates )
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I've been pretty down of late. I think it's the social isolation due to covid-19 but social isolation is not something new to me. I just don't get the point of life. My life revolves around sleep and work. I don't look forward to things, what is there to look forward to? I arrogantly think I can predict the future, at least regards to my personal life, since it's been so static for so long. I didn't get the job I applied to, and that was, rightly or wrongly, my attempt to break out of the rut of life, send my life down a theoretically different path. My current work isn't awful, but it's not great either, and I just don't meet people there. I've got acquaintance friends but no close friends and not going to meet a significant other there. Which leaves what paths forward? I don't know. I wish I had more friends and a girlfriend. Those seem so hard to achieve. I'm not sure how I did it years ago.

Blah

Jun. 16th, 2020 09:00 pm
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I probably shouldn't post, this is just going to be depressing.

Everything sucks )
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I've held off on writing this cause a single post can't do it justice. The individual stories are interesting in their own right.

The summary )

Good Times

Aug. 10th, 2019 11:03 pm
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I worked late every day this week in preparation for our major, major, final deadline. This project is a big deal. I was going to leave early on Friday but thankfully we caught something that was wrong with my code, and I was able to correct it before too long.

So I had been scheduled to meet up with Bryan, Scott, and Jenn around 4:30 but didn't make it until 5:45 or so. I missed happy hour but oh well. They were already tipsy and in good moods, and I joined in. Apparently it was order cocktails night, since that's all that they were ordering, which I approve of as beer doesn't really affect me, even though cocktails are more expensive. Got to taste some interesting drinks.

Our waitress, Ryann, was cute and fun, she was interactive with us. For example, tipsy Scott was all, "You know what you need to change about these menus?" and she responds, "The fonts?! I hate the fonts! Nobody can find what they want on the menu!" No, he wanted a free movie ticket if you bought enough drinks. But it was funny. There was also this loud family there and after they left she complained to us that they left her almost nothing in tips. Later Bryan did this dorky thing with his hands, I don't know how to describe it, then he was embarrassed cause she had seen it and pointed out, "You didn't realize I was behind you and saw that did you?" I asked her for a drink recommendation and she suggested one (the name eludes me) that she described it as "Christmas on the beach". Bryan was intrigued and got it. He said it did indeed smell like Christmas due to the cinnamon and we passed it around and it reaches me last and I smell it and say, "It smells like alcohol." Apparently that was hilarious cause they couldn't stop laughing. I was dead serious, that's what it smelled like. Anyway, later Scott is drunk at some point, and she asks if she can get us anything more and Scott says yes but he's too drunk to make a decision, so he says, "You pick," to Ryann. She comes back with this mystery drink and he makes a big deal of sniffing it and trying to figure it out, and then he finally tries it, states it is amazing, and so we of course have to pass around the cup and each try it. Frankly, it was amazing. We deemed it the coconut mule as it was a variant of a Moscow Mule with coconut rum that she said she and her coworkers sometimes drank. I ordered two. I was buzzed this time and we kept swapping good stories and jokes.

Our waitress told us her shift was over and we could cash out our tabs or stay and these others guys would take care of our orders. We decided we'd leave. Our friend Lee's wife and daughter work just down the street at Cold Stone Creamery so we decided we would head there next. My bill was $40 ($40 for just alcohol!) Since she had been so cool with us, I decided I would give her a $20 tip. $20 tip is kind of my go to if I like a waiter/waitress (presuming it is more than 20% of the bill), just cause I think of it like leaving a $20 of cash, the most commonly carried bill, at least by me, even though I buy everything with credit cards for rewards points. But then I thought how she had been screwed by that annoying family and doubled it to $40. After she collected our receipts she came back and put her hand on my shoulder and thanked me for my generosity. I told her "someone had to make up for those assholes" gesturing to where the family had sat. Then I was quizzed by my friends as to how much I gave her, to which I would not answer. I told them, hey, I have money, much as I'm aiming for early retirement who knows how long I will live, if I can brighten someone cool's day with such a gesture, then I like to do that. And you know, if I can ruin someone's day who is an asshole, well I'm an asshole too, so I'll try to ruin a bad person's day too. :p

So then we went and got good ice cream, though our friend's family members were not working. It was a beautiful night outside so we sat outside and ate ice cream, then eventually went and walked around the strip mall area.

Today I woke up in a good mood. I forgot how it was to have so much fun. The sad thing is I probably can't repeat it, cause all my friends are impossible to get free time with. It'll be at least 2-3 months before we go out again if even then. I also put the pieces together today (I was too buzzed yesterday to do the calculations in my head), but I gave her a 100% tip. It's something of a point of pride, maybe kind of stupid on my part, but my parents always calculate 15% so I make a habit of giving 20-25% to not be so stingy, and then if the person is awesome I usually give them that round number of $20. I must admit I was quite attracted to Ryann, she had a fun vitality and liveliness to her and she was quite cute. That said, she was probably too young for me, she looked young, and she was engaged, had both the ring and told us about her fiancée. But she was cool to hang out with, if you count hanging out as her working and talking to us in the midst of doing her job. And she introduced us to this amazing drink, which I don't know how we'll get again. She told us the recipe but I didn't catch all of it.

Anyway, good times.
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*sigh* I'm tired of being alone. Though I repeated the same statement multiple times in the past ten years. As usual, don't know what to do about it. And I've thought of everything, hence my failed wishes to get dates with cute strangers.

I was thinking about writing down a journal/history of my relationships with women, how I got from a naive teenager to now. That would take a while to write though, and potentially be offensive or disappointing to some people.

Random

Jul. 9th, 2019 09:05 pm
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I survived my sinus surgery. It went pretty well, I had foolishly thought it wouldn't be as unpleasant as it was after the surgery. For the first 48 hours after coming home, I had doubts that I made the right decision. Now though, I can breathe so much better. I still have to do sinus rinses and avoid exertion such as exercise for a while.

Partially because I'm avoiding exercise and partially just cause I need to, I've started calorie counting with the Cronometer app. Need to lose weight, while you could argue I'm not really overweight or that overweight depending on your point of view, I don't like myself in pictures, I miss slender me. Need to strike a balance of slender but powerful.

I've been contemplating astrology of late. I don't know why. To be clear, I think daily horoscopes are dumb. But natal charts and and their corresponding compatibility are interesting. There's a website online and it seems eerily accurate at times. I can't decide what I think of it.

Work is tiring these days. Big push for the next month, and then they'll probably put me on a my previous project, which will be easier, but will piss me off cause of various infuriating reasons that made me request to leave that project in the first place. I content myself with the knowledge that if I am remaining single and childless which seems to be the case, then I will be able to retire early. Not in my 30s, but still, earlier than other people, cause I don't really spend money. Not that I want to remain single, but trying to look at the positives.

Mergers

Jun. 25th, 2019 11:34 pm
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My rather large employer recently announced a merger with another rather large employer. Doesn't seem to really make sense from a business sense as they have no overlap, at least from my perspective, so I think it must be a make the CEOs richer and boost the stock price sort of thing. Both companies are large enough that it needs regulatory approval and who knows, there might be a shareholder revolt, though I doubt it. No idea how it will affect us regarding employment or benefits, but that's a ways off due to regulatory and shareholder hurdles.

In other news a local startup company that a few of my friends work at was just bought. I had contemplated applying there cause the culture is so cool, they bring in lunch, you can drink beer, people bring their dogs to work, etc, but the timing was never right for me to take the leap. That "merger" is actually an acquisition. Again I don't think it really makes sense, this time because they are direct competitors. From my perspective it looks like a bigger company trying to squash a littler one before the littler one overtakes them. Despite being a startup, my friends say they don't have much stock, so I can only guess it made the founders and venture capitalists rich. No one really knows what effect it's going to have. I hope my friends keep their jobs and some of the culture.

Surgery

Jun. 25th, 2019 11:30 pm
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I'm going in for surgery to correct a deviated septum on Thursday. Hoping it goes well, I can't really breathe out of the left side of my nose and a CAT scan confirmed that. The primary hope is that afterwards it will help me sleep better as my parents say I snore (when I'm at their house or traveling) and I have woken up in the past gasping for breath. I know other people who have gotten the surgery and they said it really helped them. I've just never really had surgery, unless you count wisdom teeth removal, so a little nervous.
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Mass Effect Andromeda was reportedly received poorly at launch despite being a good game. I did read it made profits so I'm not sure why it wasn't better supported. I have now completed the game twice, first as female Ryder and second as male Ryder. The New Game+ option to start with my levels, resources, and items made it a more enjoyable experience on the second playthrough, also a much faster playthrough. Maybe I just like obliterating my enemies with my overpowered biotics though.

My Mass Effect Andromeda Thoughts )

Art

May. 2nd, 2019 11:41 pm
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I've decided that this is both incredibly cool and hot. https://www.redbubble.com/people/shugmonkey/works/24834849-grande-arm-e-2?forceWork=true I don't know what I'd purchase that wouldn't get me in trouble with her chest though.

Timing

Apr. 17th, 2019 11:44 pm
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I keep meaning to post over here but I don't know how to stop it from turning into a whine festival.

Good news is that I have recovered my writing spark and am working on the website again. I wanted to add one new fact I learned about Napoleon to his biography and then I found myself enjoying editing it. I had a good six months there of not working on it at all, which is probably the longest I've gone without a single change. But now I once again looking forward to writing about the history and hopefully sharing it with others.
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This is going to get really long, but maybe it's interesting.

Dating is hard )

Dammit

Feb. 27th, 2019 10:22 pm
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Last Wednesday night, a week ago, I went to the emergency room at about 2 AM after being unable to fall asleep due to being in too much pain. My left side really, really hurt. I've felt worse but it was decidedly uncomfortable and not ignorable and was not going to go away. The emergency room staff were super friendly and helpful, except the receptionist who didn't give a shit, and it turns out I have a kidney stone. I was also dehydrated, which is the most likely reason I got a kidney stone in the first place.

Read more... )
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I don't know what to do about relationships. I don't understand what's different about me and everyone else.

Read more... )
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Today sucked at work. As I walked to my desk Travis intercepted me and told me that I suck for breaking his code. I was speechless so I flipped him off and he laughed. For my ticket I had rearranged a directory structure, his ticket was dependent on knowing the directory structure beforehand, and I had moved it. Just a conflict of timing that we were both working in the same area at the same time, though he had code reviewed my change and my changes got in first, yesterday. Still, it annoyed me.

He's kind of bombastic and complaintistic so it wasn't entirely surprising, but it was the first time someone straight up told me I sucked in the professional world. I'm sure people have said it behind my back, but my work has always been excellent except for my first year out of college, and even then, it's kind of what you'd expect from someone straight out of college with little mentoring. Ohterwise, my work has been decidedly of high quality, and I dare anyone to find an example otherwise. So it's in Travis' nature to go "complain, blame, complain, fix it" so I'm not too offended, but at the same time, it's in my nature to be sensitive to criticism and take things personally.

So yeah, today kind of sucked.

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