Stream of consciousness

[montebello]

I'm tired. Work has been hard the past few weeks. I'm slightly nervous at work too because I completed this rather difficult task and everyone was shocked I pulled it off so quickly and achieved its performance targets (it has to do a lot of processing in a short period of time). So now all these managers are happy and almost bragging about it and I'm like shit, the project I'm on has no test team, um...I hope it works out ok, cause I'm the only one who has tested it, so you're going off my log files and my word that it actually performs as fast as it's required to. Would really like some others to confirm it's doing well...

Enough time has passed since my surgery that I can work out again. So lifted weights yesterday, and am sore today. I forgot what it was like to be this sore when your body is not used to it. My shoulder is still injured but doesn't hurt as bad as it was and doesn't hurt with certain motions. I have been avoiding yoga for some of the same reasons, but I also just wasn't feeling it. Wasn't having fun at yoga anymore. Now though my body is getting stiff and I'm like, oh yeah that's why I do yoga, to keep these muscles active. But I'm also kinda avoiding the teachers there. I was following Kirstin and Mandee on instagram cause I consider them friends, but it's the rule of social media, show off how happy you are, and then people like me feel bad about my own life. So for my own mental health I stopped following them. And I don't know, it's probably not healthy for me to be around Kirstin. We seem to just have this natural affinity for each other, but I also have a crush on her, a married woman, so no. I need to be around different women, not that there's any in my social circles. It's nice to get a feminine perspective on things sometimes though. I was thinking of asking one of them to do a Tarot reading for me, they're probably the only people here that I would be comfortable asking such a thing for. All my other friends here are too atheistic and scientific.

There look to be some good concerts coming to town to the super small but nice bar venue here. I don't like arena concerts anymore, but small venue where you can really see the performers, see how they enjoy playing, and sing along, I like those. I'll probably go even if it's by myself.